I was thinking about my last post “Old Habits Die Hard” as I was trying to fall asleep (not always easy for me to do, unfortunately) and I came to a wonderful realization:
My feeling as though things haven’t really changed is actually a very good sign! Obviously a whole hell of a lot HAS changed for me, but one thing that really plagued me a lot early on was that I didn’t feel any different. For some reason I had it in my head that once I deconverted, I would feel like a different person or something like that.
As I said, things have obviously changed – for the better I might add – but it really struck me when I was thinking about the “Holy Spirit” and it all just made sense. The “Holy Spirit” is, and always was, a bunch of superstitious baloney. I was never “filled with the spirit” to begin with, so why would I all the sudden feel different when I was “no longer filled with the spirit.” I guess in some ways this is just another example of how my old beliefs and habits are still scrambling to hold on.
Either way, it feels like a great step in the right direction to just take for granted the holy spirit was a figment of my imagination. Step by step my old superstitions are being dismantled and it feels GREAT! I just thought I would share it with everyone.